Update: I Missed Mental Health Awareness Month…Oops

Update: I Missed Mental Health Awareness Month…Oops

Hi there, how have you been?

It would only make sense that I would do at least one post last month given that it was Mental Health Awareness Month. I had every intention of doing so, I was just a bit too consumed by life and my own mental health awareness, so I thought I’d catch up with an update. The big news, I was accepted last month to the bachelors of social work program at SFSU, I’m over the moon!! But I was also rejected at first. Ok, I was wait-listed. I was devastated, so I let myself feel sorry for myself for a day or two and then I moved immediately into figuring out a backup plan. While I was in the midst of my self-pity an old poem from my childhood popped into my head called Harlem, by Langston Hughes. It graphically challenges your answer the question, “What happens to a dream deferred?”, and then suggests that maybe the dream just explodes. Well, my answer to that was a resounding– hell no my dream does not explode, it absolutely lives, albeit deferred. And so I began planning what I would do should I not make it off the wait list this year and have to wait another year to reapply.

Given that I want to go into mental health in the LGBT community, I began looking at a minor curriculum in LGBT studies, I was actually pretty excited about the idea of it. While I was busy making these alternative plans, and being a total pain in the ass squeaky wheel to the entire social work department, I was notified that I’d been moved from the wait list into the program. There’s 25 seats, about 50 people applied, I’m happy as a clam on my new path! But it was hard earned. This whole process of totally uprooting my life in my mid-thirties, working only part time and going back to school has launched a serious platform for forced growth, and it seems in my years of experience that when it comes to growth and healing, it gets worse before it gets better.

I’m immensely grateful to be able to say that after a lifetime of depression symptoms and about 12 years of actively battling clinical depression, I feel I’m finally free of its daily grips (that’s not to say I don’t still get down from time to time, and I can’t say at this point in time that I or anyone can fully be cured of depression from a clinical standpoint. I am hopeful though). But what has come along in full effect in its place, and is the topic of many of my posts this year, anxiety. More specifically morning anxiety.

It’s a horrible way to wake up (often after a night of minimal sleep) and start off the day with that wad of tension in my chest, my mind racing, extremities tingling. Feeling out of control and scared my heart starts racing, my breath gets hyper, the noise in my head gets louder and louder and before I’ve reached 30 minutes into my day I’m broken down mentally, physically and emotionally, and in tears. There’s so much nervous energy in my body combined with the cacophony in my head, it creates so much resistance toward the whole day, and I’ve lost control before I even had the chance to try and hold onto it. It disrupts my sleep, it steals my cognitive ability, it makes me sad. And I can’t say it’s because I’m forever stuck in the future, I just wake up this way first thing with a full mind/body effect. I’ve done loads of research on morning anxiety and the only real biological factor that plays into it is that the stress hormone cortisol is highest in the morning. Otherwise everything else steadfast suggested a good morning routine.

The good thing about anxiety is that with all this nervous energy, it’s become a great motivator. I took the advice of a morning routine despite wanting to hide under my blankets in bed from the world where it used to feel so safe during depression. Now with anxiety, I genuinely fear that if I stop moving I’m going to self destruct. So the first thing I do is wake up early. It works out because usually now once I wake up I can’t go back to sleep anyway, and it allows me the time to 1. engage in my morning routine, and 2. not feel rushed to get ready and out the door for the day. Both have proven to be quite helpful in maintaining my morning chill vibe. What’s also helped is not just the morning routine, but self-care throughout the day. If I’m feeling tense or worked up by nervous energy or stuck in my head, I do something about it instead of resisting it and allowing it to fester.

Here’s what I’ve been doing and the general frequency, in any combination throughout the morning, afternoon, or evening:

  • Morning pages, most days. I do 1-2 pages
  • Meditation 1-2 x a day or as needed, no less than 10 minutes
  • Yoga 1-2 x a day, 10-20 mins
  • Stretching throughout the day
  • Walking 4-8 x a week, whether its 10 mins around the block or meandering 3 miles through the city
  • Jogging 3-5 x a week for at least 15 mins. I was never a jogger but for whatever reason the higher impact seems to help clear the nervous energy better
  • Smaller interval exercises like crunches, pushups, squats, wall sits 1-2 x a day
  • Breath work as needed throughout the day
  • No alcohol during the week
  • No caffeine (I get my jollies from a cup of decaf a few days a week)
  • Cleaner diet– I’m mostly vegetarian but I default to carbs. I’ve tried replacing  more of those with fruits and veggies, seriously limiting sugar, and avoiding anything that will make me feel heavy
  • Ashwaganda and CBD oil to help calm my nervous system
  • Acupuncture 1 x a week
  • Reaching out to my community and loved ones for support as needed

One other thing I’ve learned to do that’s been really helpful is to not resist the anxiety. I know that sounds totally counter-intuitive– like um, ok I’ll just let the anxiety have me until it grinds me down into a panic attack and they my whole day is shot? Yes and no.  This took a bit for me to understand, too. I realize it’s fully instinctual for us to resist that which causes us harm, but maybe anxiety isn’t there to try and harm us. Maybe its trying to tell us something, like a child crying out for help but who has no words to express himself. Maybe whatever it is that’s in us that crying out for help just needs to be loved and cared for instead of turning a cold shoulder to it, so that it may ultimately heal and release on it’s own. It’s almost like Murphy’s Law in that the more you resist something, the more you’re feeding it your power through the resistance, giving it reason to stick around, and therefore it’s going to be further destructive. If it can go wrong, it will go wrong.

So when I feel it start to rise up, or when I’m fully in the throes of it, I try and remind myself to not be upset over the way I’m feeling because it’s more than likely a part of me that needs healing, and it’s going to be a process. If tears need to flow I let them, if I need to let off nervous energy then I move, if I need to quiet my mind and calm my body I meditate and breathe and allow myself to be present with my feelings, no intellectualization needed. Not only that but it all helps to keep things in perspective and it helps me keep the faith in myself that I can and will make it to the other side of the daily struggle with anxiety, just as I have with depression.

I’m sorry I missed you last month. Things in life are falling into place, and anxiety has been actively trying to displace all these things I’m working so hard to maintain. But with love and compassion for myself and my challenges, I will keep a place for everything and everything in its place.

Peace, love, and wellness.


Against Stigma

Against Stigma

I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts lately. It’s something new for me, it seems to help keep me focused, in my body and out of my head. They’ve generally been on topics like emotions, communication, philosophy, love, mental health, social work, and stigma. The latter is a massively burgeoning topic right now, thankfully, as it absolutely needs to be discussed everywhere possible all the time if we’re going to have any chance at cracking down on it and getting it the hell out of the mental health community where it does nothing but harm. The dictionary definition of stigma: “A mark of disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person.” Living with mental illness is tough enough as it is, no one who is suffering needs or deserves that shit.

If there’s been one overarching theme I’ve noticed behind a majority of the topics I’ve been listening to, it’s bringing forth real measurable change and progress through banding together, talking, loving our fellow man, being open and equanimous; what can best be described as community: “A feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of having a particular characteristic in common, sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.” Everyone needs this in one way or another. To be human is to commune. People need other people, more specifically people with whom we share common ground. Especially when it’s a highly stigmatized ground we stand on. I say let’s stand together!

I’m probably going to wind up hyping up the value of community in future posts til I’m blue in the face. To be honest I could always sense that something integral was missing from the fight against stigma but couldn’t articulate exactly what it was so perfectly summed up in one encompassing word. All the podcasts I’ve let into my head lately have done a wonderful job of really cementing upstairs for me how fundamental community is as a huge catalyst for change and progress on any facet of life. Good thing is that it’s a pretty simple notion; it’s all about coming together, loving, celebrating and accepting each other as we are, lending a hand or an ear or a resource, letting go of the pretense. Rather than an individualistic, shame-ridden silent suffering, it’s about a collectively proud, boisterous effort to bring forth change for the better.

I personally take pride in my ability to stand up in front of 1 or 100 people and say I have depression, anxiety and ADHD because the fact is, I’m still standing. I’m a survivor, I beat the odds. I’m proof positive people can live with mental illness and actually thrive under the right care and support. But those are exactly what’s missing from the fight against stigma– proper care and support. As well as community, acceptance, and the freedom from stigma. Love is missing. Let’s call mental health stigma what it really is: discrimination. When was the last time you saw a person who felt too stigmatized to admit they are afflicted with something like cancer or diabetes? Why is it any different for those battling mental illness? How do we change that landscape? We build community around it; there’s power, strength, and resolve in numbers!

We not only need to rally together around the topic of mental illness, need to talk about it. Your actions could make someone’s day and your story could save someone’s life. Having feelings is not wrong, it’s not a sign of weakness. Just as the need to commune is human, so is the need to emote. I don’t care who you are, what you come from, or how hard you’ve become, you’re still human. Shining a light on the topic is the entry to the path of healing. It creates much needed hope that there is a solution to a problem that’s been rampant yet stifled for too long. Untreated mental illness kills people. I’d be willing to bet you know someone who’s been adversely affected by it, or you at least know someone who knows someone who has. 1 in 4 Americans deals with some form of mental illness, it’s all around us every day. Yet 56% of those people go untreated. It’s time to get real about this and stop treating it like the black sheep of the litany of illnesses that humans endure.

It’s time to officially throw out the old ideals of “it can’t happen to me, mentally ill are those on the street corner talking to themselves, just get over it, it’s only the blues, not in my family, not in my culture, what about my pride, my image, no no no not me”. It can happen to you, it quite frequently happens to those around you as well, and there’s no shame in it. Simply stated– we want to stay in good physical health so we regularly see the doctor for checkups and as needed for symptoms. Why wouldn’t you treat your mental and emotional bodies with the same respect? That’s really all it should boil down to but we’ve baked it into this monster of a thing that people are too afraid to cop to and continue to treat it as such.

Mental disorders are not adjectives. The stigmatizing words need to go, their heyday is over. “Crazy”, “mental”, “insane”, “psycho”, “nuts”, etc., they’re all total pejoratives when applied to those facing mental health issues and wholeheartedly perpetuate the stigma. We need a shift in the context of the language we use. Instead of appropriating these words and casually throwing them around when referring to those with mental illness, much like we don’t use the word “retard” anymore (beside the fact that it’s totally inappropriate and offensive), we need to be more aware of and sensitive toward the words we use. The best, most instantaneous thing you can do right now is to lead by example.

Years ago when I was unknowingly a little too forthcoming about my challenges with people who weren’t ready, willing or able to be kindly receptive, I remember telling a guy I’d been seeing for a while that I dealt with depression. His response “oh, does that mean you’re going to lose it and go crazy on me?”. Whether he meant it as a joke or was genuinely curious what that meant for him, to me it was rife with ignorance and stigma and I quietly released him from my social life. Comments like his made me realize exactly how much work there was and still is to be done in the effort to overcome stigma. I’ll never forget that instance though, and who knows where he was coming from, maybe he’d previously had a bad experience with a girl in regards to mental health. However, just because he judged me didn’t mean I was going to return it.

I’ve been called all sorts of things along my path to wellness. When you’re too afraid to open up about what you’re facing, people are free to draw their own conclusions and as such I’ve been labeled lazy or self-involved or maladjusted. Even when I did come out to those I thought I could trust, for example when I fessed up to my boss at work many years ago I was called a burden, or admitted my struggles to people who I thought were friends I was deemed as misguided or flaky. Surely I’ve been called crazy behind my back plenty of times over the years I struggled the most. But these are all views that are again, riddled with ignorance and stigma. When we watch how we speak about and regard one another, each individual choice of words can be a drop in the bucket of breaking down the stigma on mental health.

When I look at someone who is visibly struggling with any sort of mental illness in any sense, I don’t see “crazy” or “nuts”. I see pain, or PTSD, or what has probably been a really rough and harrowing ride in life for them trying to work its way out. I see an intense, acute need for healing, care, love, acceptance and safety. We all want and need those things. I personally think the only reason behind someone stigmatizing another is because they’re simply unfamiliar with the other person’s experience and it makes them feel safer to distance themselves from that person by stigmatizing them. If only we could reprogram society to think and act oppositely of that, it would by default create more cohesiveness and community, one non-judgmental, kind action at a time.

We need to make this a priority, everyone needs to be an advocate. If you hear someone saying something crass or stigmatizing, or acting out of judgement or ignorance toward someone with mental health challenges, say something. If you see someone acting out of character, or strange, instead of viewing them through the lens of judgement and shame and casting them off, try and see through their behavior to what is more than likely underlying pain, trauma and a need for healing. If you saw someone trip and fall on the street you wouldn’t automatically assume they were drunk, in fact you’d probably try and help them up and make sure they’re ok. Don’t assume that because someone’s behavior doesn’t fall within the spectrum of what’s perceived as “normal”, that they deserve to be judged. More often than not it’s a cry for help.

If you’re curious as to how you can do your part, check out this article from the National Alliance on Mental Illness on 9 ways to fight mental health stigma, and keep on fighting the good fight one word, action, or thought at a time. We’ve got a long way to go.

Peace, love, and wellness.

The Daily Struggle

The Daily Struggle

Given mental health challenges, my reality is that most days, at least to start, are a struggle for me. I wake up, I’d rather not get out of bed, I’m not overly excited to start my day, I’m not exactly looking forward to whatever greets me or what challenges may lie ahead. I either have to work myself up to, or relax myself into the idea of the day before I even get out of bed. I call this process waking up slowly– it involves a lot of meditative-style breath work, clearing of my mind and energy, sometimes an emotional purge in the form of tears, and a promise to myself to start my day on the best foot possible. If I wake up, immediately get out of bed and start my day without acknowledging whatever I’m feeling, it’s usually a bad start to the day.

That said, I personally for whatever reason tend to wake up feeling anxious. This is something I’m very much working on but have yet to find my answer. There isn’t much concept of “waking up fresh” daily for me. I’m moreso in a constant loop, I just get breaks of unconsciousness and rest in the loop. I have a lot of resistance in me toward life and it’s obstacles, and I fully acknowledge it. I know it’s via both nature and nurture, and it’s also something I’m actively working on. I genuinely want to rewire my point of view so that I no longer see daily life as being loaded with obstacles facilitating this built-in resistance. It’s easier said than done.

It’s not that I have no lust for life, or no excitement for anything or just a really shitty outlook. I definitely do have passion for certain aspects of life and I do at times get breaks from feeling this way. It’s that given mental health challenges, even when well managed, still make every single day challenging in one way or another and my fervor can easily get buried underneath it all.

It’s like every day I wake up wondering– how am I going to stand tall today, find my happiness, balance, productivity, and so on? How am I going to only let in what I need and keep out what I don’t? Every day is this simultaneously new but old navigation of how to make it from start to finish. How to deal with the daily build-up to break-down, then finally levelling out. Consistency is few and far in between for me, albeit I try my best to maintain in the ways I know how.

But it’s also like being in a constant state of distress in one way or another. I’m forever saving face, feeling disruption, or suspended in fight or flight. It’s an “invisible illness”, so most don’t have any idea I’m even in this state, but it does show itself sometimes in things like my posture, my tone of voice, choice of words and communication, or the look on my face. It can appear in my lack of patience with the people and stimuli around me, my responses and reactions. I see and feel it on the inside all the time, but the above is how it tends to manifest itself on the outside.

I know anyone can be subject to a bad day or waking up in an off mood but I often wonder if most people have any idea what it’s like to wake up many days only wanting to get to the other side of the day so they can stop going before they’ve even started. Hoping and praying to just make it through the day and feel ok because feeling “good” is a bit too ambitious and at times just unrealistic. Wishing to feel ok enough to be productive and with-it enough to actually accomplish what you’ve set out to do for the day. I’ll reference the spoon theory here; every day how many spoons am I going to be lucky enough to start off with? And if I don’t have what I need, how am I going to manage and then also make up for lost time/productivity? I feel like I’m generally running to catch up. It doesn’t exactly help the anxiety.

This isn’t every day for me, thankfully. But so many factors weigh into it when most everything hits you really hard all the time. I’m a very sensitive being, and I seem to keep getting moreso as time goes on. Most things are too much for me most of the time. I don’t sleep well, I have some emotional or personal challenge, I’ve not taken good enough care of myself, I’m overloaded by my schedule or stimuli, then I shut down and there goes my mood, energy and productivity. There’s always this delicate balance to be struck, this homeostasis to maintain. It takes on an absolute physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual effect. Some days I can hardly maintain and regulate something as simple as my body temperature, let alone my mood, energy, appetite, reactions, sleep, productivity level, etc.

On the worst days daily life can end up boiling down to just getting done what was absolutely necessary, even if that’s only showering and feeding myself. There have been days where it’s been reduced to simply continuing breathing and existing and all my effort goes to just maintaining a state of what I’d call existential purgatory; it’s not good, but it’s not hell in a hand basket either. I can’t function, but I’m still here and tomorrow is a new day. I failed today but I get to try again. For the day I’m forced to set the bar lower and it ends up becoming a total reorganization of daily priorities based on whatever I’m processing and my capacity for handling what’s in front of me.

That said, I’m always finding my process. I’ve got my usual tools in my kit but every day I’m learning what may or may not help me get out of these spots and into where I want and need to be, and how to stay there. Clearly tears are a big one for me. I let emotionally at least a few times a week when I’m struggling, if not once a day, just to get stuff out of me. I’ve had to work hard to be ok with that because of my own emotional cognitive dissonance; it’s not cool to be overly emotional, but, I honestly don’t have a choice. Sometimes it’s my only outlet, it’s going to come out of me no matter what, and frankly it’s a damn effective one for me. I meditate A LOT. It often leads to crying. Self care is HUGE, listening to my body, being kind to myself when it comes to my feelings and emotional needs as opposed to viewing myself as high maintenance and beating myself up over it. I find myself constantly checking in with myself in an attempt to stay grounded and continue getting to know myself and my process. I’m always trying to stay objective about it and step outside of myself to not get too caught up in what’s going on inside. It’s a weird duality to exist under, honestly. At the same time I often wonder if I am really dealing with myself in the right way, which brings me to my next topic of self-care, medication and substance.

It adds another level when you bring substance into the picture. As much as I personally prefer to naturally dig myself out of any hole I’m in, I don’t always get to do it my way and so at times the need to medicate can be hard to avoid. Example: I’m experiencing so much anxiety I’m having to Xanax myself to sleep then coffee my way out of it in the morning. If I don’t sleep I can’t function the next day, I can’t get anything done. But if I take something to sleep I wake up feeling like a zombie and I can’t fully function. But if I drink too much coffee I get edgy and anxious. It becomes this viscous cycle of maintenance that’s hard to get out of and I’m really sensitive to substance– benzos, caffeine, alcohol, cannabis, you name it I’m a lightweight. It helps and at the same time throws a real wrench into my program to be simultaneously tired and wired.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, so I hope that every day I’m garnering a little more strength and lesson learned out of my struggle. I hope I can pass that onto others and help by sharing my struggle. It’s the only silver lining to it really, because this kind of existence is a whole other level of being a “constant work in progress”. So many days of just maintaining and not truly enjoying life and being able to live it to the fullest.

Every day I’m always curious if all these other people existing around me have any idea what this experience is like. I can’t help but wonder how much more naturally simple and blithe and unadulterated others’ daily lives might be. Maybe they’re not, I don’t know. I only know my own daily struggle. Either way it doesn’t make me feel sorry for myself, it only makes me try harder and play the hand I was dealt to win.

Peace, love, and wellness.

Thankful for Remembering Depression

Thankful for Remembering Depression

The following is from yesterday, it’s not eloquent. As I’m sure most of you know, mental health challenges don’t exactly lend themselves to fully functional cognitive abilities. I’ve been riding this massive wave of transition lately in all aspects of my life and it came to a head this week. I’m learning that major upheavals on fundamental levels in my life be they good or bad, are big triggers for me. So instead of waking up yesterday feeling grateful for seeing my family, feeling the love, and having a killer dinner together, I woke up with a big fat cloud over me.

I was grateful for it anyway because as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I have a built-in protective mechanism that blocks out a good majority of my past mental illness experiences and their accompanying symptoms. I quite literally can’t remember on a granular level most of the time what it truly feels like to be depressed.

It all comes back to me in tsunami-like form however when I’m in the thick of it, so I’m thankful for the reminder because my intent here and in my work is to be able to relate to those dealing with mental health issues so I can be of help. It’s hard to help when I can’t fully relate because I’ve subconsciously blocked most of it out, so the reminders really helpful. What else is helpful is documenting it, for myself, and for you. And so, I’m grateful for my episode yesterday, even more grateful for having been able to process it and enjoy the holiday, and grateful I put my feelings into words. Here they are:

“It starts with waking up to the feeling of my body being really heavy and letharged, not wanting to get out of bed physically or mentally. The world outside is cold and complex, it’s almost holding me down where I lie. It’s alright, It’s safer here. The world is all going to be sensory overload anyway. The lack of motivation and will are far too familiar. The dread of the day ahead, even when it’s an easy day ahead filled with family, food, and love. Body aches and a dull, unforgiving headache. A wash of slight sadness over my being but for reasons I can’t fathom. A cynicism toward whatever lies ahead of me, none of it feels worth any effort. My body is slow and defunct, so is my outlook. My brain is foggy and still, and at the same time busy in the background full of useless noise. All I feel like doing is achieving unconsciousness again, I feel like I could sleep for a hundred years. The thought of that gives me a little relief. I don’t wonder what’s going on out in the rest of the world around me because I don’t care. There must be a storm cloud above me because I can feel it weighing me down, it might even be sitting right on my chest because it feels heavy there and kind of hard to breathe. I pay attention to the expression on my face and notice a natural frown. I have no appetite and realize I’m parched but with no plans to do anything about it. I could really use a shower, it would probably help. No plans for that either, and no will or energy for any of it. What can I do? Staring at the ceiling, my old friend. Checking out. Why that does so much for me when I feel this way? I believe it’s because I’m fried and my brain really appreciates the blank white space rather than the cluttered dark noisy mess that otherwise exists. My vital energy has been robbed, my mental sharpness and clarity are gone, too. I can’t even access the more descriptive words I’d normally be using to describe this experience because I haven’t got them right now. Everything is so tired. And this is a mild day, a mild experience. One where if I really try, I can begrudgingly drag myself slowly out of bed and start my day one chore at a time. Everything is a chore when I feel this way, and I slog through my day just waiting for it to be over so I can either maybe start feeling better, or just let it be over and eek a little joy out of going back to bed. My shinyness is dulled, my vibrance buried under this heavy existence that I will endure for the day. The hardest part is having no rhyme or reason behind it. Maybe if I knew what was causing it I could do something about it. All I can really do is acknowledge it and try to press on taking as good of care of myself as I can. But even that’s too much work for me right now, I haven’t got the energy or motivation to take care of myself and so I fall deeper down into whatever’s got it’s hold on me today. I hope it will fade away and I will get myself back. My head hurts and I hope so much deep inside that this will last just one day that it makes me a little emotional. This is no place for me to be and I don’t deserve this, it’s not fair. It’s not who I am. I want it to go away. It’s like a vicious monster from the closet that I have to fight for my life and my only defense is to feebly throw feathers from my torn pillow at it as I watch it creep closer and closer toward me, threatening to eat me alive. I feel so weak. So I take a deep breath, wipe a tear from my face and make the decision to start somewhere, anywhere, by getting up and brushing my teeth. The simplest thing, but the absolute last thing I have the energy for or want to do. I remind myself that I love myself and I deserve to be here and to be happy, then I put my feet on the floor, I feel my lower back ache, and go from there. I look forward to the notion of this just being one day, hopefully, and not continuous. I remember exactly how easy it is to forget this feeling when I’m not feeling it every single day anymore and I wish myself luck.”

Peace, love, and wellness.

Peer Support & World Mental Health Day

Peer Support & World Mental Health Day

Happy World Mental Health Day! Given the topic we’re celebrating today, the basis of my project, and that I’ve made the decision to pursue my degree in social work, I feel like it’s a great day to talk about one way we can help the world improve mental health: peer support.

I recently read an article on peer support that I found fairly accessible to the average mental health consumer. Namely because it’s not a clinical paper written by doctors, it’s a theoretically-based paper written by educated people who have spent years working in the mental health community within the peer support space. That means you’re automatically spared the medical jargon in favor of more humanistic characterizations of the deeper levels upon which mental health recovery should be based, and why.

I’m going to be doing a lot of direct quoting from the article because I like the way they represent their perspectives, starting with their abstract, followed by a definition of peer support.


“This article offers one theoretical perspective of peer support and attempts to define the elements that, when reinforced through education and training, provide a new cultural context for healing and recovery. Persons labeled with psychiatric disability have become victims of social and cultural ostracism and consequently have developed a sense of self that re-enforces the “patient” identity. Enabling members of peer support to understand the nature and impact of these cultural forces leads individuals and peer communities toward a capacity for personal, relational and social change. It is our hope that consumers from all different types of programs (e.g. drop-in, social clubs, advocacy,support, outreach, respite), traditional providers, and policy makers will find this article helpful in stimulating dialogue about the role of peer programs in the development of a recovery based system.”

Definition of Peer Support

“Peer support is a system of giving and receiving help founded on key principles of respect respect, shared responsibility, and mutual agreement of what is helpful. Peer support is not based on psychiatric models and diagnostic criteria. It is about understanding another’s situation empathically through the shared experience of emotional and psychological pain.

When people find affiliation with others they feel are “like” them, they feel a connection. This connection, or affiliation, is a deep, holistic understanding based on mutual experience where people are able to “be” with each other without the constraints of traditional (expert/patient) relationships.

Further, as trust in the relationship builds, both people are able to respectfully challenge each other when they find themselves in conflict. This allows members of the peer community to try out new behaviors with one another and move beyond previously held self-concepts built on disability and diagnosis. The Stone Center refers to this as “mutual empowerment” (Stiver & Miller, 1998).

Peer support can offer a culture of health and ability as opposed to a culture of “illness”and disability. (Curtis, 1999) The primary goal is to responsibly challenge the assumptions about mental illnesses and at the same time to validate the individual for whom they really are and where the have come from. Peer support should attempt to think creatively and non-judgmentally about the way individuals experience and make meaning of their lives in contrast to having all actions and feelings diagnosed and labeled.

Many people have learned roles that build a strong sense of identity as “mental patient.” Because this becomes a primary identity we find affiliation with others who have also been labeled. Zinman (1998) refers to this as “client” culture. This “identity” leads us to the assumption that the rest of the community can’t understand us and creates an “us/them” split with others.

An imbalance of personal and social power lies at the heart of mental illness and is the cornerstone of the theory of recovery that we wish to present. Recovery lies in undoing the cultural process of developing careers as “mental patients.”

We undo this by practicing relationships in a different way. Peer support, therefore, becomes a natural extension and expansion of community rather than modeling professionalized caretaking of people defined as defective. As peers feel less forced into their roles as “patients,” they naturally come to understand their problems in the larger social and political context from which they emerge, rather than pathologizing themselves.

Peer support is a simultaneous movement towards autonomy and community building. It is not based in deficits model thinking. It is a model that encourages diversity rather than homogeneity, and recognizes individual strengths.”

Well put, right? Are we getting this out of our current mental health care system? Hardly.

Anyone who’s been processed through modern medicine’s modus operandi can clearly see the disparity between it’s approach to mental health treatment and recovery, and the peer-support approach. The former being a one-sided approach, and the latter being a two-way street of acquiring treatment and maintaining recovery.

Peer support creates an environment that allows consumers to dissociate the pejorative of clinical mental health patient, and identify it from a more human perspective that transverses across more planes of society and will basically fly under the stigma radar a little more easily given it’s peer-to-peer foundation.

I see it as reframing mental health care in a manner that allows for more accessibility, utilization, understanding, acceptance, safety, cost-effectiveness, hope, community, retention and recovery, and minimizes stigma, attrition, and relapse. I see it as a whole-person approach rather than a symptom-based approach.

I also believe that to have peer support in the role of advocate or liaison for a consumer of mental health care between their community and the clinical side of treatment makes the entire process, as I keep saying, more human. As it is in America, it feels like a machine; not easily navigable, approachable or very caring. Placing a human being in all those voids, one who can actually relate to the traumatic experience of the consumer, seems like an easy answer to me. A wise choice for the attempt to correct the imbalance between personal and social power, as the article states. I’ll go ahead and make the obvious statement that all of that, to me, adds up to more efficiently utilized health care with better outcomes for consumers.

Also, I couldn’t help myself with the image I used for this post 🙂

Peace, love, and wellness.

The Norm

The Norm

Where is the line drawn when things have gotten bad enough to need help, and how do you define that? When I look at other’s experience with mental health challenges, when they describe their symptoms and how it made them know something was wrong, I always try to relate it my my experience. The easiest way to assimilate something is to make it relatable to you.

So when I hear about things like a constant separation of mind from body, uncontrollable racing thoughts and rumination, paranoia, extreme moodiness, uncontrollable emotional reactions and episodes, dissociation, insomnia and oversleeping, panic, hysteria, a feeling of heaviness, body aches and pains, fatigue, feeling angry, sad, edgy, burdened, hopeless, worthless, powerless, afraid, and waking up daily to life generally being a drag, it always hits me with such familiarity because all of that was always so normal for me. As well as all of those factors infiltrating my actions, words, my whole life.

Imagine all of that being your daily norm. My problem was that I didn’t know any better, yet somehow I was still able to eek some satisfaction and happiness out of certain aspects of my life. Otherwise it was perpetually existing in fight or flight mode feeling all those symptoms and feelings. Because this was my norm I didn’t understand how to act on things, I could only ever react. But I’d still managed to protect myself enough to keep it together on the outside by keeping my mind closed, heart closed, and often times eyes closed. Looking at old photos of myself I could see in my face and in my posture the weight of the world I had no idea I was carrying.

I clearly never had a benchmark for my wellness. I never knew where the line was drawn where I could say “something’s wrong with me, I need help”. As long as I felt what I perceived as functional, I didn’t know I needed help. And even if I did, I don’t know that I would have asked for it. It just was never really an option for me. Before I was on my own as an adult I knew that my wellness was my parent’s responsibility so I’d incorrectly assumed that if they weren’t actively taking any steps to help readjust the norm I was experiencing, no matter how much of it they bore witness to or not, then I must not need help. So I pressed on thinking this is the way things are supposed to be.

When I began to fully unravel around the age of 22, all I could really glean from it was that I was losing my mind, spinning out of control, and at this point the only one any longer responsible for my own well being. No more mind over matter, my mind is my matter. I had no idea what was happening to me but trying to get help all of a sudden seemed like the only answer.

Now, over a decade later and in recovery, I read or listen to others’ accounts of their mental health struggles and how or when they knew something was wrong. I find it incredibly fascinating to hear about people’s personal yardstick of wellness and sanity. When someone says something like “I had an entire week where I didn’t want to get out of bed. I felt really heavy, distracted and emotionally off-balance”, or “My thoughts would race, I was feeling apathetic and joyless toward life”, or “I stopped eating regularly and began substituting food with alcohol”, my reaction is generally to the effect of “Wait, that’s what made you realize something was wrong and you needed help? I lived that almost every day of my life. I had to lose my goddamn mind to have that revelation!”

I had to look up the examples I used of where the line is drawn to write this post because even still I sometimes have trouble delineating my reactions and behaviors as either triggers or genuine responses. That’s not to say I can never tell the difference, I’m better accustomed to that discipline by now as I’ve worked to build my personal protocol for working through whatever is challenging me. But it can still be a gray area for me to know where the line is drawn between acting and reacting, especially when in the moment.

“When I learned the other way people thought” was another good account that hit home, too. It used to be that I didn’t realize it wasn’t a shitty storm cloud inside everyone else’s head most of the time as it was in mine. It’s also difficult to see outside of your mental illness box when you’re that deep in it, so you can’t really use that as a tool for comparison. It’s tough to look around you and wonder why everyone else seems lighter and happier than you when you’re too tunnel-visioned by your own little personal, yet normal to you, hell to be able to see it.

It takes examples like this to really shake me, “The first moment was when I was 12 and I seriously considered killing myself rather than have to change in front of other boys in gym class. I thought it was normal to be constantly thinking about suicide when I was younger”, or “When I found myself sitting on a bridge with pocket beers after a 2 day binge. I had spent my entire paycheck on alcohol and went MIA all weekend. Lost my job, was kicked out of the house. I spent several years self medicating on any substance I could get a hold of. It wasn’t until being pronounced dead twice after ODing on heroin until I realized maybe this shit isn’t working”.

Despite getting a reaction out of me, it’s still easy for me to see how these types of behavior can easily become someone’s norm when they never really knew any different. So when someone recounts their experience with something like “I knew when colors weren’t as bright and music no longer made me want to dance”, I don’t by any means intend to minimize their feelings, but relative to the way I used to feel I have no idea what they’re talking about.

I’ll never forget when I was tested for ADHD in my mid-twenties, I told the psychiatrist my story and she called me “a survivor”. It blew me away. Me a survivor? No way, survivors are people who have lived through cancer, or rape, or wars, or car wrecks. I wasn’t a survivor, just a product of my environment looking to shed the layers that were unraveling and be on my way to feeling mostly in one piece. At that time I had no idea exactly what a survivor I was, I just thought I was carrying on. Turns out I’d spent my whole life surviving and had no concept because survival mode was always my norm. I’m happy to say things are exponentially different these days and much of that gray area has become more black and white.

Peace, love, and wellness.

Stay With Me

Stay With Me

Thank you to everyone who’s stuck with me over the last couple months, I know it’s been an obnoxiously long time since I’ve posted here or to my Instagram. My deal is that I got a new job at the end of June and it’s been absorbing every last one of my spoons every day and challenging me in ways I didn’t think possible. Truth be told, I don’t like it at all for a multitude of reasons, including the fact that I have changed exponentially since the last time I held this occupation. I’m coming up on month 3 now and I wake up every day and fight with this job. I’m not doing what I love and what I love has fallen by the wayside, but this is what I signed up for. That was the least of what I knew going into this.

So why did I do it? I was comfortable in my last job but financially as an independent contractor I felt I could be doing better. An opportunity was put in front of me to go back to an industry I’d worked in in my early 20’s. One where I knew I’d have to bust my ass at first but once I’d laid the foundation, the potential for income was there. It’s an industry I know I don’t like, my heart is not in it but I thought I could compartmentalize for the sake of the future stability. It was also an industry at which I used to be really successful. It didn’t take long for me to realize how the new me was not fit for this role, how it was now sucking my soul, absorbing all my personal resources, and triggering mental health symptoms. I now have a prescription for Xanax. I haven’t medicated for anxiety in 4 years.

So here I am rounding out week one of reentry from Burning Man, with the revelation that I have found a silver lining to this occupational experience. This job I don’t like was the much needed catalyst to get me out of my comfort zone and boot me into a place where I could realize the path to pursuing my true passion. There has been a huge lesson to be had out of this as well- stop chasing money and chase my dreams. My heart fully lies within helping people with mental health, I’ve known that for a long time.

For the last 5+ years I’ve been told countless times I should be a social worker, because I’m so passionate about helping people. That’s why I started this project because I wanted to advocate for mental health without having to spend the time on a degree to do so. Realistically I can’t expect this project to pay the bills when I’m doing it for free, and I don’t have the scale or business model in place to make this a career yet. I also don’t have a degree. Therefore quitting my job and going back to school for a BSW is my answer, and once I came to that conclusion earlier this week, a huge weight felt like it lifted off my shoulders and my heart.

That said, I wouldn’t feel right about not sharing my mental health struggles given that I’m here to use my experiences to help others. At first I was really excited for the change of pace and challenge of this job but as I began settling in the anxiety started kicking in. I think it was due to the realization of exactly how alone I was with this position. I took on a territory that I was to build from the ground up within 6 months, with minimal support by a management staff that’s also brand new, from a company that is going through a lot of growing pains and doesn’t have a very substantial or thorough training foundation. Expectations are high, support is low, pressure is on and it began affecting me quickly. The further I went a long the more I realized how this company wasn’t overly capable of setting me up for success, and that I’m not alone in my sentiment. 

I started as per usual, thinking I could manage on my own, naturally with my favorite anti-anxiety/mood regulator lithium orotate. That quickly became no longer enough to manage and I was forced to seek professional help. I began taking .125mgs of Xanax every morning just to take the edge of so I could get my head on straight and begin work. Then another .125mgs in the afternoon, and often another .125 to get to sleep. I had to be careful not to take too much because Xanax is really strong for me and makes me very sleepy. However prior to that the anxiety levels were so high that it began clouding my head and my ADHD kicked into ultra high gear. We know how one mental health issue can feed into others, this was a classic case.

I explained both fronts of my symptoms to the doctor and he suggested medicating the ADHD as well but I was incredibly hesitant. I’ve been off Adderall for about 18 months now as it was incredibly caustic to my body and also never really helped my focus. He suggested Strattera because I mentioned I might be open to a non-stimulant medication but after researching it, I still wasn’t convinced it was the answer.

Xanax was helping the anxiety which did help to ease the ADHD to some degree. I also researched natural ADHD supplements and found Neuro-Peak which has also been pretty helpful as well and I decided I didn’t need to medicate for ADHD which I was really happy about. Still I found myself waking up everyday feeling like a live wire as a result of how ungrounded this position has made me feel. I definitely lost entire days here and there to anxiety because I simply couldn’t function. I also lost plenty of hours to ADHD for the same reason.

I’ve now reached a point where I’m going to ride out the next 3 months of what’s left of my guaranteed base pay and give it my best effort. I want to be able to leave saying I really tried but that the job wasn’t for me. Meanwhile I’ll be working on getting myself back into school and I’m genuinely excited at the prospect of having my degree, and having a future in helping people that will pay the bills. Even if I’m still scraping by, at least I’m doing it heartfully. I’d rather be broke and happy than rich and miserable. I’m also looking forward to a time again when I don’t have to medicate to function.

I now feel a sense of gratitude for this hardship and experience I’ve been through. For the lessons I’ve learned, the new path I’m on, and the weight that has been lifted. I’m also grateful to be a part of this community, to have people who love and support me, and to have you guys who are hopefully still getting something out of my posts. Like you, I’m doing the best I can with the resources I have, and I hope like me, you’re genuinely looking forward to what’s to come in life.

On another note, it’s National Suicide Prevention Week, September 10th-16th. I want to take a minute to recognize the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and the work they do to help #stopsuicide.

Peace, love, and wellness.

These are my Confessions

These are my Confessions

I’m having an apathy day. I just woke up that way, there’s not much I can do about it except honor it, try to go deeper to find out where the feeling is coming from, remember to be grateful for what I have, and then use it as a muse for expressing myself. Life must go on even when it involves doing things I don’t want to do.

Onto things I do want to do: my project. It’s slow goings. I’ve accepted the fact that it’s been that way since the get-go, sometimes that still bothers me. It’s really the only thing I want to be doing with my life right now, helping people. And I am, I still have my two clients, they’re both doing pretty well thanks to our teamwork. I’m also continuing working in the background on pieces of the project, slowly but surely. I’m incredibly grateful for the support I’ve been given thus far.

I obviously haven’t blogged in a while and the Instagram hasn’t seen much action lately either. I feel badly about that. It’s not that I haven’t been inspired, it’s that I still have yet to find the means to get this to take off, and meanwhile I still have to dedicate the remainder of my spoons to managing the rest of my life; for example, the stuff I don’t feel like doing today. I have to also remember I’m not your average entrepreneur who inherently has the spoons to work full time and simultaneously dedicate the other 50% of my life and resources to my project. I face mental health challenges too and if I don’t put myself and my health first, then nothing comes second or third or fourth to that. I run myself into the ground, get sick, and nothing happens at all. I’m doing the best I can with the means I have.

I didn’t think it would be so difficult to launch a project that is meant to help people and contribute to society. It’s not as though I’m trying build another app (that’s not to say apps don’t contribute to life, but there’s no shortage of them), I’m trying to use my hard-earned knowledge and experience to help people get their lives together in the face of mental health challenges.

I can tell you my dream will never die. I don’t care if it takes years to turn this thing into what I’ve envisioned. The peer support marketplace isn’t nearly as saturated as it could be, so I’ll just keep plugging away at the most efficient pace I can manage on my own, and meanwhile probably still feel guilt and disappointment that it’s not coming along the way I wish it would. One thing I’ve learned in life is that nothing truly good comes quickly or easily.

It’s frustrating, but the more entrepreneurs and mental health professionals I talk to in this space, the more I find out that the unfortunate truth is that it’s easier and faster to garner funding and support to launch an app (following the comparison example I’d previously used) than it is to produce a service meant to help rein the beast of mental illness. If this were a Trump tweet, I’d end it with “Sad”, but I’ll just cut my lament here and move on.

Since I’ve decided to use my random strike of apathy today as fodder for content, now is an appropriate time to mention I’ve recently decided take my Instagram posts in a slightly different direction. I realized that I can keep posting positive reinforcement to the effect of “You’ve got this” or “You are enough”, but what I’d rather do is make posts that speak to people.

Truth is its hard for me to do that sometimes because its been so long since I’ve been in the depths of my own madness that I’ve lost touch. I’ve always had this protective mechanism built in that makes me blank on what it was like to be in the throes once they’ve passed. That’s why I want to start sharing posts from this account Art for Mental Health because it comes directly from sufferers and shows so boldly and truthfully what it feels like to live with illness. These people are doing exactly what I’m doing right now: bravely using their challenges as a positive channel to express themselves, to share their struggles, and to find solace in a community.

The pieces on this account serve as a reminder to me of what it was like to feel the feelings of absolute despair, grief, desperation, sadness, loneliness, etc. so that I can keep my content relevant and meaningful. To me, it’s by posting things people can relate to that has that impact. Friendly reminders that you’re worth it, and loved, and can keep going are great, but at some point its nice to just relate to someone else’s struggle and know you’re not alone.

It’s nice to see people basically rip their hearts and minds out, put them on paper, and remember I was there once, too. What’s even nicer is to recall those memories and become even more inspired and motivated to want to help people, because there was a time when I didn’t want to wake up each day because I knew some fresh hell was there to greet me without fail. The thought of that all of a sudden kind of makes me laugh at myself and my apathy I woke up with this morning. Perspective is so f*cking powerful. As is self expression.

So I will continue to seek out and share pieces from the Art for Mental Health account and others that speak to me. I will continue to use my experiences and others’ to help reinforce and uplift the mental health community to feel safe and comfortable expressing themselves. Our society teaches us to follow the straight & narrow, to keep your issues under wraps, to say the right things and act the right way, don’t rock the boat, mind your P’s & Q’s.

Anyone who’s ever dealt with mental health challenges knows there is no such thing as a straight and narrow. It’s not natural whether you face mental health issues or not, people for whatever reason just seem to fall in line with it. Anyone who has ever deviated from that path knows how good it feels to finally let go and express themselves. Anyone who is human, I think, knows deep down that it’s not conducive to a happy, healthy existence to stuff your problems down, mute yourself, and press on. It may not be regularly, but I will be here continuing to express myself be it via my own words, art, and actions, or someone else’s, in an effort to help you. There, I feel a little better now, I hope you do too.

Peace, love, and wellness.

I’m Only Human

I’m Only Human

Anytime I feel like I’m breaking down, I have to break down what’s behind it. What I believe first and foremost that lies behind any illness, breakdown, or trial in life is the simple fact that we’re human; we’re incredibly fallible whether we want to admit that to ourselves or not, whether our ego can handle that fact or not. It doesn’t really matter if we can accept the facts, what matters is whether we can cope with life as it’s dealt to us, and execute our response to it’s adversities properly, per the way nature intended. Truth be told, at various points in our lives, most of us can’t and we break under the pressure. Another truth: It’s ok to break down, it’s part of being human!

I believe that to be human is to be fallible. I’ve proven it to myself time and time again, I’ve seen it in others, and in the end we come out of it alright if we allow nature to take its course. It’s only our egos that tell us otherwise, and present the false illusion of who we are based on how we feel others perceive us, then tell us we must adhere to that illusion. It honestly makes it easier to synthesize the traumas we endure, be they physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, and their impending effects when I look at myself and those around me simply as over-intelligent, survival-based creatures. We are far from the overly stimulated, over-worked, under appreciated, perfection-obsessed, stoic machines we insist we are cut out to be. We need to process, we need to feel, we need to emote.

We live in a day and age where we readily force ourselves to operate at mach speed in the world outside of us in order to distract ourselves from what’s really going on inside. We don’t take good loving care of ourselves, time is just a construct meant to be whipped through as fast as possible out of the self-imposed necessity of what we see as productivity in our world around us, with no regard for the world within us. And for whatever reason we blindly accept this without ever slowing down and allowing ourselves the space to reconcile the daily influx of life. We deny our most primal processes then wonder why we get sick, feel fundamentally void in some ways, or why we feel the need to medicate in a vain attempt to cope.

Trauma is a process that we need to allow to run its course so we can move on and be able to live from our essence, who we really are underneath the ego so that when we are challenged in the future, we can act instead of react to whatever we face. So that we can be mindful and let go instead of being mindless and controlling. You can’t control everything that happens in life, but you can control how you react to it. Stop stifling the subtle voice coming from deep down inside that wants you to know that its ok to feel feelings and move forward a better person for having had the experience, and gaining the wisdom from it. Trauma-based acumen is real, ego is false. Not much goodness in life comes without the hard work to gain it.

Have you ever seen an animal that’s been startled by something? It reacts instinctually by entering into fight or flight mode, assesses the potential danger and either acts out of instinct for survival, or retreats realizing the perceived danger is not actually imminent. No matter the outcome, once an animal has been triggered, when the threat is over it shakes. This is a natural bodily function innate to both animals and humans, to help process and release the trauma of the scare. Humans, if we allowed ourselves to, should and could react in the same manner thereby relieving the trauma of the incident and moving on. We all know we shake when we’ve been startled but we tell ourselves it’s not ok, its a sign of weakness, so we suppress it and any of the other innate reactions we should be allowing ourselves to experience. Our ego as well as societal stigma tell us to absorb the reactions and the trauma, shove it down, and proceed with caution. We then carry on through life as damaged goods, having stored incident after incident’s worth of trauma in our minds, bodies, egos, and spirits, which severely inhibits our natural right to live free of fear.

That’s not to say there is no such thing as healthy caution, boundaries or self preservation. Those are inborn elements to a healthy relationship with the world around us. But when we refuse to properly process our traumas they create layers of fear within that hinder us from staying grounded and operating from the true nature of who we are, which, again, is to be free of fear. We have to be smarter than our fear and our egos. We have to break through the lies we’ve been told or we tell ourselves that keep us imprisoned by fear and judgement. Things like it’s not ok for a man to cry, it’s not ok to ask for help, it’s not ok to admit you’ve been affected, it’s not ok to fail, or it’s not ok to be afraid. I’ll put it this way — how is there light without there also being darkness? How is the light supposed to shine through if its consistently enshrouded in the darkness?

Circling back to the fact of the essential nature of our existence, we’re only human. A good place to begin is to stop expecting yourself to absorb it all and press on trepidatious. Stop telling yourself you can’t or don’t deserve to be free of fear. Enable yourself to raise your vibration and ease the heavy of life by allowing yourself to be human and work through your trials. By doing so you’re not only healing yourself and creating space in your life for freedom and happiness, you’re creating the space for others around you to do the same. Leading by example, showing the world exactly how basic of creatures we are at our core, and that healing isn’t as far-fetched of a concept as we perceive it to be, and that self-actualization is attainable.

The sooner we quit fooling ourselves the sooner we can live freer and easier. The closer we get to being at peace with ourselves and the world as it is whether it presents us fear or confidence, good or bad, happy or sad. As one of my favorite personal anthems goes “There’s a beautiful way of being that allows one to stay rooted and present in the moment, comfortable and calm. Your thoughts and your feelings are energy. The more we can utilize this energy to generate feelings that feel good, the more easy and harmonious or lives become”. It’s so simple yet we choose to make it so complicated. It is being free of fear, it is the true essence of our being as humans. Who doesn’t want that??

Peace, love, and wellness.

Hey, Can We Talk?

Hey, Can We Talk?


Reform: It’s not a glamorous topic, but one very much at the forefront of the battle to make proper mental health care a true reality in our country. I’d like to get a dialogue going on the various article-based points in this post. Whether it’s here, or you take this topic with you as a talking point into your own personal conversations. As long as you’re talking about the current state of mental health care, I’m happy.

Politicians and health care administrators can think they know what’s best for us all they want, however as recipients of mental health care, I feel we have much more of an insider’s perspective. Wouldn’t you agree? How can we use that for the greater good and effect real change in the system? As individuals what can we do, and how?

Looking back at the 21st Century Cures Act: I believe it was set up in good faith by the Obama administration, with attempts to help preempt mass shootings and other acts of violence, fund prescription drug R&D, and strengthen the Mental Health Parity Act of 1996, but likely won’t be administered as such. Case in point, specifically on my favorite topic — peer support, from a Mad in America article: “Money is also being taken away from peer support efforts, as these are deemed inessential and a waste of money. Peers, in the mental health system, are considered any individuals who use their own lived experiences with similar issues to support those in crisis. In other words, those who have been there help out those who are having difficulty finding their way. At the same time, the peer supports that are being funded are going to be transformed into some kind of clinical caricature, wherein peers must follow clinical guidelines established by medical doctors that, basically, amount to telling people to take their meds. Peer support, which can be enormously helpful for many, is being corporatized and “manualized” to fit into the current psychiatric machine.”

^NO, NO, NO!^

“The thing is, relationships don’t always require a manual. And sometimes, when a person has been through something and comes out the other side, that person might actually have an idea or two on what could be helpful to someone else.” (Hmm…sounds familiar to me)


Going forward, given the current political climate, we’ve again got consumers of mental healthcare now worried over the possible repeal of Obamacare which brings with it the threat of pre-existing conditions stopping them from obtaining health care coverage. In fact two of my own clients have expressed their concerns regarding obtaining either mental health coverage or a diagnosis due to fears of this exact threat. Pre-Obamacare, I was personally denied health coverage by multiple providers for a pre-existing diagnosis of depression and anxiety. To this day it gets a rise out of me just thinking about it. Suffice to say however, one could safely assume that essentially being left for dead in your early twenties would be upsetting.

A great U.S. News article penned by my personal inspiration for the foundation of my project, Dr. Lloyd Sederer, articulates one thing we are all very familiar with in the wake of the new presidency: We are going to have to stand up and fight. Speak up, speak out, take action.

As Aziz Ansari both shrewdly and comedically reminded us in his recent SNL monologue: “change doesn’t come from presidents. Change comes from large groups of angry people — and if day one is any indication, you are part of the largest group of angry people I have ever seen. Good luck.”

Now here we are, 4 months into the new presidency with nothing but question marks in the air as to what the future of mental health care looks like for us, and how we fit into this already broken system. The least we can do is educate ourselves, and those around us. TALK ABOUT IT…Here’s a really great article with some incredibly keen, easily understood talking points. Start a dialogue. Speak up (kindly) when you hear people say things out of ignorance or stigma. Use the tools we already have like social media, and support/advocacy/awareness groups like NAMI and Bringchange2mind. GET INVOLVED HOWEVER YOU CAN.

If you take away nothing else from the information presented here, at least take the resolute notion that as long as we continue to fight for what is right in our community, and for what we need, WE WILL BE HEARD. I urge you to make this a topic of civil conversation, whether for your own benefit, for someone you love, or for the greater good. And remember, all progress takes place outside the comfort zone. Start talking!

Peace, love, and wellness.